Method to my madness

There’s a reason I skulk down alleys. Ok, I don’t skulk. But I’m a goth, so we like to do things creepy even when it’s fairly innocent. Technically what I’m doing in alleys? I walk my dog. But the important part is the alley part. Because in alleys is where people throw things they don’t want anymore, and oftentimes what other people don’t want is freakin’ awesome.

I found these two in an alley last week.

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These are little tiny baby chairs. Like the kind you would get for your two year old. I wouldn’t, because the little rapscallion would outgrow them in less than a year and I don’t have that kind of money to blow. But suburbanites do weird things for their offspring. And I get to reap the benefits.

A leetle paint. A leetle glitter.

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I think hot pink and cantina green are good colors.

I also happen to have two headless baby dolls. You remember where their heads went. In cages. Because that’s where baby doll heads go. But their bodies have been just sitting around waiting for a purpose. WELL! Have I got a purpose for them.

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They need heads of course. And clothes. Well, they have clothes, but not very interesting clothes. I’m working on improving them. I have a head for girl baby, whose name is Piglet. Because she’s getting a pig skull for a head. It’s in the process of being glittered up as we speak. Pubert will have to wait till I can find him an appropriate head. But his time will come. And there will be pointy bits and shiny bits and dangly bits as well. These guys are going to be a large project. I think they’re getting wings. Haven’t decided yet.

This is only the progress so far. More pics as the Twins develop into some creepy ass home decor. Which are going to finally cause me to accept one of the invites to do a gallery that I’ve been blowing off, because they absolutely won’t ship. There’s no earthly way I’m going to be able to get these guys safely Elsewhere, so locals (or anyone that hot after them that they’re willing to drive) only.

I’m gonna have such fun with these guys!

Behold mah sexah table

1 trip to Home Despot + about $80 + two helpful dudes (one of whom has All of the Tools)+ one afternoon. This is what happens.

Zee pile of lumber. She don’t look like much just yet.

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Do all of your math ahead of time. Srsly. It makes the part where you take 8ft long pieces of wood that stick out the back of your truck on a rainy day (which sucks) into manageable chunks go way faster.

Zee helpful dudes.

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My best friend and mah boo being all manly and junk while I take action shots.

Finishing touches.

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We did all the measuring and cutting ahead of time, so it went together pretty fast. Always bring a spare saw though, as somewhere you will have bollocksed up the measurements. Which we did. But only a little, and we fixed it in no time.

Et voila!

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You could land a 747 on this freakin’ boat. I’ll call it the S.S. Cumberbatch. Fo’ realz though, we used 4x4s for legs and center support, joist hangers for the 2×4 supporting the table top rather than toenailing the boards in place (way more secure), and a double layer of 1/2 inch plywood for the top. This baby can handle anything I throw on it. Which is good, because once I get the leather production underway, it’s going to see a lot of abuse. Leatherwork is hard on, well, everything.

This marks the final phase in the Get My Damn Lab Operational project. Which has been ongoing in bits and pieces for months now. This was the last bit. The table I had been working on is an old library reading room table. Which is nice and big, but way too low and not sturdy enough for leatherwork. The Cumberbatch is just above waist height, so I can work comfortably on my feet without jacking my back up.

Behold, my fully operational lab!

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Curiosities

My friends send me the best things.

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Four dozen tiny, creepy, beautiful little photos! A whole envelope full of awesome for meeee! Where did you find them, you marvelous woman? And, what? And, why? And…thank you!

They’re the perfect size for mini nichos, but I don’t think I can give these up. I will have to make four dozen tiny little frames for them, and make them into a…a THING of some kind. I have this random piece of curlicue metal frame doodad that I’ve been meaning to sand the paint off of so it can rust beautifully…hmmmm…

Oh I’m all a-squee here.

Finally

At last, after waiting and waiting for the skull and the endless time it takes to actually make one of these things, custom goat is done and off to the postie. Today if the glue is sufficiently cured. Otherwise Monday. Jeezy creezy I’m glad to get this bad boy off my table.

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And the Glenwood custom order is done and probably arriving in my customer’s hot little hands this very day.

So, orders cleared, I’m putting all production on hold and completely revamping my lab. I work in a basement. A basement in a suburban home which does not belong to me. I’ve been making do for over a year now, but the work space is really not functional. If this is my job now, I’ve got to do more shows. If I’ve got to do more shows, I need to streamline production. So for the last several weeks I’ve been shifting, tossing, recycling, shredding (Dad has saved 40 years of financial paperwork. The shredding, omg, the shredding.) and rearranging everything down there to turn the main room into one big workspace, and put everything that is not related to my job in the magical place that is Elsewhere, and out of my way. I’m like, thiiiiiis close to being finished.

One trip to Home Depot and my two burly boys, Bestie and Sweetie, to give me a hand and I will have a rockin’, fully functional workshop where I can actually get some major work done.

There will be pictures.